Are You Good Enough? Confession #1 From Someone Who's Not!

So are you? Are you good enough for the world? Good enough to be a leader to draw others to God? Are you even good enough to call yourself a Christian?

I assure you the answer is "NO" and neither am I. It is only as I give God the power (that's a funny thought in and of itself) to think God gives me free will that I have to turn over power to him before he can truly work in my life is really ironic. Little me with all my fear, struggles, failures, secrets that I don't want anyone else to know "giving" power to the creator of heaven & Earth!

I want my life to be transparent, I want others to look in and see all my junk! Many will say I need to be careful people will judge me & I can honestly say it took a long time to get here, but I really don't care. I want you to see the joy, the kindness, the love & know that when you see that it's not me at all, it is the areas of my life I have surrendered to God. I want others to desire the same thing & know that you can have all that "junk" & still be a force for the kingdom of God. He doesn't need perfect people he just needs willing obedient ones!

But what if I tell everybody my "secrets" & they think less of me? Then they're not ready & thats ok. People can judge me, think less of me or even decide not to be my friend & I will be just fine. I am not defined by what everyone "thinks". I have a friend who loves me despite all my faults & I believe this is what he wants me to do. He wants me to show that I don't have it "all together" & yet God is using me in a mighty way. My prayer is that through my transparency he will reach others to know that they too are "good enough" WITH HIM to do anything he puts in their path.

Confession #1 - The man that my friends & family know as my "Daddy" adopted me. He did not come into my life until I was 10 yrs. old. He treasured me & treated me like I was his very own. My biological father was a violent man who lived one life to the world & a very different one behind closed doors. He attended church regularly but what I saw lived at home was anything but Christ like. Biologically, I am half of him no matter how hard I have pretended not to be. There was a time (not in last 5 yrs) that all my good deeds were to make sure that anyone who found out how "bad" he was could never look at me & say "Oh I wonder if she is like him?" I didn't cuss, I didn't drink (tasted alcohol for the first time at 32), went to church, didn't watch R rated movies & I was actively volunteering in the community. See, now I'm good (or so I told myself)

My life now is full of what many would call "good deeds" but the motive is purely to shine light on Christ, it comes from a desire to just love people the way Christ loves them. I have realized tonight that I have never REALLY forgiven him & I am going to contact him within the next few months, praying right now about when I should do this & what I will say. I have not spoken to him at all since I was about 11. I imagine he will be a little surprised to hear from me. :-) I have to remember that hurting people hurt others. He came from a dysfunctional family & is a product of his pain. I pray that he has moved away from the man he was once was, anyone can change & God offered forgiveness to all his children.

Many confessions to follow....

What is it in your life that Satan uses to make you feel "less than"? What have you allowed to be a belief that is not what the Bible tells you?

A friend told me something recently that it strikes her that God asked Adam & Eve "Who told you that you were naked?" IT WAS SATAN!

I am trying daily now to only believe what God, my Daddy, my Savior, my friend, my love tells me! I am "good enough"! He wants to do a work in me, but I have to tear down my walls & let him rule & reign!

I have to let God sit on the throne of my life by following him, submitting to his will. I can't say I trust God & follow him & knowingly do things he says not to. If "I" am on the throne then he is not! (Have you seen my butt? No seriously, there is really not room for both of us! lol)